


There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

by WanderingBandurria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Crime, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getaway Car, Hogwarts Era, Illegal Activities, It's just stealing but, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Angst, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Road Trips, Sirius & Remus go on their own adventure, Sirius Black runs away from Grimmauld Place, Smoking, Summer Romance, half-assed uninformed movie references, it's implied and not heavily referenced, one metaphor that references suicide, there are no suicidal thoughts on the character's minds though, this is mostly fluff and miscommunication solving than proper angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28832463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WanderingBandurria/pseuds/WanderingBandurria
Summary: Sirius might have a plan on the summer before seventh year that might not be completely legal. And he might invite Remus to partake in it.And Remus - he might says yes and find himself being Sirius' getaway car in an unexpected road trip through the countryside.Or, a summer road trip leads to Sirius and Remus to review their feelings for the other.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 24





	There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maraudorable (violentthunder)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentthunder/gifts).



> Hello! So - I wrote this prompted by the song of There Is a Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths. We don't stand Morrisey in any way or scope but it's a good song to get inspired, so I'm very grateful to Maraudorable for sending it over Tumblr! I've been meaning to write more friends with benefits fics since it's a headcanon that I really like, and this gave me the perfect excuse!  
> All my thanks here to LikeABellThroughTheNight for the beta work, and to [BrujaBanter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrujaBanter/pseuds/BrujaBanter) for helping too with the last check and the lovely comments. Still, if you find any mistake, they are all mine. Please let me know in the comments, I love improving my English skills!  
> I really hope you guys enjoy this. I loved writing it (so much that I might have re-written it in the middle of the process hahaha) and playing a bit more with action.

“Drive, drive, drive!” Sirius yells, bright-eyed and laughing, as he opens the door of the car, casts a spell over his shoulder and throws his bag onto the backseat before closing the passenger door.

Remus doesn’t need to be told twice - he hits the gas and grabs the wheel, his fingers pale as he fumbles with the gear lever. By his side, Sirius lowers the window and starts throwing spell after spell back towards the house, even though Remus doesn’t see anyone. He guesses the whole display of magic is not necessary, but hey, you won’t see him complaining about extra measures. Not when it comes to people like the Blacks.

Blood pumps furiously through Remus’ body as the car picks up speed on the dirt road, leaving yellow clouds of dust behind them. He can almost feel his dilated pupils and the roar of adrenaline in his ears. He’s so high on the moment that he thinks he would be able to _sense_ a car chasing them miles and miles before seeing it in the rear-view mirror.

Not that any car is going to follow them. Not that the Blacks own anything Muggle. And based on what Sirius said when planning this hit, none of them should have been in the summer house that Sirius just stripped of _some quality magical objects, Moony, that they absolutely don’t deserve._

He’s not sure how long it goes before he realizes he’s smiling without meaning to, as he hums some tune that he doesn’t remember where he heard. Both his hands are on the steering wheel, fingertips tapping fast to the rhythm of a song he can’t pinpoint. The afternoon sun makes half his face and his right arm feel feverish, and his right eye waters from the brightness. When he looks at the passenger seat, Sirius is looking back at him with a big smile, his cheek against the headrest and his hair plastered to his sweaty skin. His feet are up on the dashboard and his fingers drum his knee with the same rhythm that Remus’ is humming. 

Remus wants to kiss him, to stop the fucking car and kiss him; he wants to climb on his lap, and kiss him short and dry, and then slow and dizzying, and then kiss him some more, but that’s not how this _thing_ between them _works_. Sirius is the one that comes to him, Sirius is the one that climbs into his bed at night, and then loses interest for a couple of weeks; Sirius is the one that asks him to go for a fag so they can end up pressed against a tree in the backyard of the Potters’, panting and laughing, before heading back to the house and acting like nothing happened. Sirius is the one that apparates outside his home in the middle of the night to throw rocks at his window and make Remus’ heart beat like crazy and then graze their fingers together while they sit awkwardly side by side on Remus’ bed after a hushed fumble because _my parents are right across the hall, Sirius, shut the fuck up, please._

Sirius is the one with the wildest plans out of the four of them, and he is the one that decided he wanted Remus for this particular hit - _because he’s the only one that had a car he could borrow, because he's the only one that can drive,_ he repeats to himself, to try to stop his mind reeling with idiotic ideas; _Sirius wanted a car because he knew that in case we were followed, his family would actually have more trouble with a Muggle car than with brooms_ , he chastises himself, over and over again.

And still… well, Sirius was the one that asked Remus to go with him to the Black’s old countryside house, just a couple of hours away from Remus’ home, to _retrieve_ some magical objects. He’s the one that made Remus wait for him as his getaway car, without telling James or Peter, because _just you and me this time, Moony, what do you say?_

Of course Remus had said yes.

“All good?” Remus asks Sirius, turning his eyes back to the road.

“Peachy,” Sirius answers happily, although Remus cannot tell if it’s because of the adrenaline or if it's a genuine emotion. Sirius is so fucking good at concealing. “Want a fag?” Sirius asks then, already with two cigarettes playing between his fingers, so Remus just nods and watches out of the corner of his eye as Sirius lights them together in his mouth before putting one between Remus’ lips.

They smoke in silence as Remus keeps driving. Remus decides to turn on the radio. Sirius turns around to pull objects out of his bag and explains to Remus what they do, what use he wants to give them. Remus can feel the changes of tone, from nostalgic happiness when an object makes Sirius think of Regulus, to anger when he implies one was used to hurt people, to hidden pain and misery when he talks about his parents. 

Remus lets himself relax, even if they are moving into topics they usually don’t talk about together - not _just_ the two of them. Still, Remus feels that Sirius needs to say these things more than he needs any response, so he just falls into step, laughing when he’s expected, joking back when he remembers to do it, humming thoughtfully or furrowing his bows when he doesn’t know what to say. The adrenaline is still thrumming through his veins, but if twenty minutes ago his thoughts felt close to his skin, almost non-existent, just an echo of actions, movement,-sun-in-my-eyes,-drive,-drive,-drive, now they feel like a buzz that has barely a form, but a form nonetheless.

They move from side road to side road, following a pre-established escape route through areas Remus has never been before. It'll take them almost three extra hours to get to Remus' home, but better safe than sorry, he thinks. From there, they’ll be able to Floo to the Potters where they can hide the objects better, given the number of magical protections in the house. Remus doesn’t care about the extra time - more time with Sirius is always something that he secretly cherishes. 

He sighs and glances around. The yellow-gold fields, the brown cropped-down areas, and the soft-looking patches of vibrant green make the drive feel like a dream, with a never-changing scenery of _countryside, countryside, countryside_ , where the two of them fit in like it was meant for them, with his mom’s tiny red car, uncomfortable seats and all, taking them through no-time, no-space, where not even words are needed. 

It’s a bit like a movie, a bit like a dream. It’s a feeling that not even magic can beat, he thinks.

Their cigarettes have long since burnt down, the ashes and stubs in the tray of the car, keeping the ugly smell around. Sirius long ago finished checking the objects and turned on the radio. They sat silently after that, silently as the minutes slid by with just the music between them. It’s alright, things are sometimes like that with them. Remus doesn’t worry as he keeps his eyes firmly on the spindly and curvy road. He’s starting to feel like his body is made of lead, the adrenaline punch wearing off. Sirius seems to be dozing on and off, his face still turned towards Remus.

The light slowly turns orange and blue as the sun starts to set. Remus' eyelids are heavy and his body is heavy and soft at the same time. He hums the songs from the radio, and at his side, he hears Sirius sigh.

“Cows,” Sirius says softly all of a sudden, as he quietly sits back up. Remus blinks back at him with a questioning look. “Cows, Moony - right there,” he says, still sounding half asleep and tired.

Remus takes a glance to his right, and indeed, _cows._ He furrows his brow, trying to understand what this is about.

“I’ve never seen cows up close,” Sirius adds, falling back down into the seat, a small smile on his lips. “Pureblood, remember? We Flooed everywhere, and wherever we went, it was always a wizards’ place. So no cows,” he says, shrugging.

“Oh,” Remus says, and he slowly stops the car. The herd of cows is so big that there are still some close by. One of them, Remus would swear, blinks back at them and seems to be debating if it wants to come closer or not.

Sirius doesn’t get out of the car, but stays sitting, looking at Remus. Remus shuffles in his seat and looks back at him, confused.

“Er. You want to… go see them up close?”

Sirius is looking at him intently, and Remus wants to laugh and frown and ask him what’s going on, but Sirius just shakes his head.

“Nah, not really,” he says, and he wets his lips with the tip of his tongue, and Remus can only _not_ think about kissing Sirius for a certain amount of time, with the help of the Gods. It’s not that his embarrassment at how immediate his thoughts go to _kissing Sirius_ matters much though, because Sirius’ eyes spark as they follow Remus’ gaze and in a second, Sirius’ hand is on his neck, gently pulling him in, as he shuffles over the gearstick and handbrake.

Sirius is already breathing fast, his eyes dark and hard. He looks - he looks like a mystery, like some puzzle that Remus will never fully understood. He looks tired and old, young and happy. He has desire in his eyes and anger and pain under that, and there’s only so much that Remus can take of all that Sirius is.

They kiss sloppily and messily, hungry and desperate, and the break half-stabs Remus as he shuffles to try to get closer and he slams his knee against the steering wheel, and it’s _perfect_ , and it’s _terrible,_ like a storm ready to shatter the Earth.

Sirius’ fingers are pushing against Remus’ skull, and his mouth tastes like tobacco and hunger and salt from his sweat, and as he pulls back to look into Remus’ eyes, his other hand grabs Remus’ leg like it’s the last log of a sinking ship. 

“I wish it were always like this,” Sirius says, against his mouth, dark eyes, harsh expression and Remus has never been more lost about what’s going on. The words take a second to sink in and when they do, they _sting_ and push something ugly inside his guts - because Sirius is the one that leaves, Sirius is the one that comes but also the one that _goes_ , Sirius is the one that leaves _Remus_ wanting for _always like this_ , so when Sirius leans back for another kiss, Remus pushes back, grabbing Sirius’ arms with a tight grip. He’s not pushing him away, not yet _._ He's just showing - waiting, threatening. A subtle display of how fast he can get away.

“What do you mean,” he asks, but it’s harsh and cold and he’s tired after driving for hours in silence, so it comes out bitten down, bitter, desperate, full of longing. _F_ _ucking pathetic_ , he thinks.

Sirius frowns but he doesn’t pull away.

“I mean that I want you,” he answers, firm and dry too, his chin raised and his hands still on Remus’ neck and thigh, but not applying any pressure anymore. His eyes move around Remus’ face, up, down, left, right, eyes, mouth, nose, _eyes, mouth_. His lips get tighter and tighter, forming a blood-drained line, but _he doesn’t pull back._

Remus wants to laugh, or cry, or maybe take his wand out and throw Sirius’ bag out of the window and force Sirius out of his car and tell him to fuck off and drive back home to curl into a ball on his bed. Instead, he tightens his grip on Sirius’ arms.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” he says, and he wants to yell at Sirius when he looks back at him with disbelief, but he’s too tired, too done with all of _this_ , whatever this mess between them is, so he just ignores Sirius and pushes forward: “What I mean is - we are already friends, and we already fuck whenever you want, so - what else is there to want?”

Sirius’ frown gets deeper and deeper as Remus talks, and this time, he does attempt to snatch his hands away. Remus lets him back away. He always lets him, so what’s one more time.

Sirius opens his mouth, but he then closes it. He frowns again, and tilts his head to the side, to push it against the headrest. 

Remus hates himself a bit for loving him so much.

“What I mean is that I love you, Remus,” Sirius says in the end, that frown still on his face. “I thought you knew how I feel about you. I mean I’m _in love_ with you. I thought that asking you to raid my family’s house was a clear enough sign.”

Remus stays in stumped silence for just a beat, before starting to laugh at that - properly laugh. Sirius doesn’t laugh, but there’s a glint in his eyes that tells Remus that he realizes how absurd this all is. _Like this day needed to get anymore dream-like, like it needs more to feel like a movie, like it needs to turn into a fucking romance instead of being an action thriller, or maybe a fucking film noir or some other pretentious genre where he ends up with his heart broken and society shunning him, where at the end maybe the camera zooms onto his face before the scene changes to a train leaving the station and then to crows cawing and then to a tree with a man hanging from it._

“What - 'let’s break the law together’ spells ‘oh, by the way, I’m in love with you’, somehow?” he says, air quoting with his fingers as he keeps laughing. 

Sirius grins back at him, nodding.

“I’m sure it does somehow. I think it might also spell something like ‘let’s be together’ and ‘let’s fuck in every corner of Hogwarts’, and ‘move in with me next year’, but I’m sure we can see if the letters fit like that later. Wouldn’t want to put that head of yours in a twist with too many anagrams at once,” Sirius says, with a big smile that Remus knows - _knows-_ _knows_. It hides uncertainty and fear; covers them with self-sufficiency and false confidence.

Still, Remus’ head swims with the words, and he can feel his mouth hanging open, but the only thing he can manage to say is “oh.” Sirius’ smile threatens to fall from his face, so Remus shakes his head and rushes to add “alright.” He swallows, looking at the hand break, dizzy with emotions and maybe magic and who knows what else. “Yeah, alright. I’m in. Let’s - let’s be together. Let’s - let’s fuck in Hogwarts' corners, and let’s… let’s talk more about all of this later,” he adds in the end, lamely, too scared of even _thinking_ of a life together, made for the two of them - _a flat,_ or _a house_ , maybe even _a fucking cat._

When he looks up, Sirius is smiling back at him, no longer against the headrest, but close enough for Remus to just shift his head and kiss him again, sweetly, softly, heavily.

“Backseat?” Sirius mumbles after a bit, his hair mussed and his breathing a mess. Remus nods, just as breathless.

“Backseat,” he says, pulling away to open his door and stumble out of the car.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I would love to read what you think of this - I really like playing with the friends with benefits dynamic, but also exploring Remus' pining, but if anything else caught your eye, I would love to know about it, so hit me with a comment if you want to, I love to chat there about fics <3  
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://wanderingbandurria.tumblr.com/) where I love to chat about fanfiction, wolfstar, and just about anything!  
> Oh! and finally, if you wanna read some more, here are some recs of my own fics: if you want to read more fics about illegal activities, I have [This ridiculous fic](<a%20href=)">. If you like friends with benefits situations, I have [this Hogwarts' Era fluff short thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589073), [this post-prank one](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24523660), [this angsty alternative universe where Sirius raises Harry and Remus takes off](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26711029) and [this first war fluff babe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23716066). If you like summer vibes, I have [this Hogwarts era fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23150887) and [this alternative universe with secret wizards and lots of bike riding](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24303904).  
> Damn, I wrote a lot during 2020.


End file.
